Ever wonder what the heck those wacky Pirate Theater people are talking about

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Ever wonder what the heck those wacky Pirate Theater people are talking about? Here's some help.

There's bound to be SOMETHING you never knew about Pirate Theater.

Amy Gallagher - A non-Pirate who was constantly the subject of "she's-so-old" jokes at her expense in early Pirate Theater. The fact that she attended AU for many years made her the resident 'old person'. The last ever Amy Gallagher joke was told in Captain Dan's final show. "Amy Gallagher is so old…her student number is 4." Yes, that *was* the actual joke.

Black Dung Fever - A disease invented by Kyle Torok in the 8th grade that pops up every time diseases are named in a skit. The details are unclear, but Black Dung Fever is BAD NEWS

Bobby Batista - Ted Smith's cognomen for his Pirate Theater News anchor character. Although most people don't get the reference, it sounds clever.

Boner! - An exclamation of approval. Use in place of "Cool!" or "Awesome!" Started by Josh Walczak who actually said 'Bonus!', but was misheard as saying 'Boner!'. Pirates tried to turn this word into a popular saying on campus. (EXAMPLE OF USAGE: Joe: "Here's that $5 I owe you." Josh: "Boner!")

Bumpin' In'n - Nickname of Ethan Kaye's room in Bartlett. Taken from a misprinted skit suggestion from Brent (the suggestion was "Pumpin' Ir'n").

CAKE - One of the Pirate props that keeps popping up in one form or another. A refrigerator box covered in paper and labeled 'CAKE'. The first use of CAKE was in 'Bachelor Party' where a man remembers his old abusive girlfriend, Roxanne. Roxanne, (Brent Eifert in a tube top) tears out of the giant cake and slings Cory over his shoulder. CAKE made another appearance in an encore of 'Bachelor party', but this time it had pink and blue frosting. CAKE also appeared during the Comedy Competition as a talking CAKE trying out for Toastmaster General.

Corn Nuts - A foreign exchange student who looked a lot like Jerry Seinfeld. Pirates would always remark "What's the deal with corn nuts? Is it corn? Is it a nut?" as he would walk by. Eventually he was let in on the joke. Nice guy.

Cory's Crack Pipe - A recurring prop. A large cardboard tube with "Crack Pipe" written on the side. It's appeared in a few skits and eventually Cory's name got added to the side. It was included in a group yearbook photo, which had to be re-taken just because of the appearance of the word "crack." It got to say "SMOKE MEEEEE!"

Dean - A Voodoo Day gift (SEE ALSO 'VOODOO DAY') given to Cory Bishop. It was marketed as a cute baby doll, but has a face like it's either constipated or had a frontal lobotomy. He currently hangs on a rope, typically from the ceiling. Picture of Dean

"Dude!" - Refers to one particular show where Micah Galland played a hippie and said "Dude" over 10 times in various skits. The most memorable line is from the skit 'Ouija Board', where he says: "Dude, I knew this guy once, who tried to make a Ouija board into a skateboard. He thought it would give him magical Ouija skating powers. He fell down and totally messed up his ankle. True story."

Flamin' Sock Puppets - Originally a video by Captain Dan where a sock puppet catches on fire. It was redone on a larger scale, adding another puppet and an intermission. Sock puppets doused with Bacardi 151 were lit on fire. They returned in 'Flamin' Sock Puppets go to the Zoo', in which plastic zoo animals were set up and covered in lighter fluid. The lesson learned? If you're setting your hand on fire, never use a polyester sock.

Hitler - Yes, Adolph Hitler. Cory Bishop played him and then he appeared as a suggested Halloween costume (Hitler, or the ghost of Hitler if you add a sheet). For Voodoo Day (SEE ALSO 'VOODOO DAY') Cory got a baby Hitler doll. Picture of Hitler Doll

"Hot Cheese" - Colin Kelley's catchphrase. Originated in a sketch where Colin submits a skit called "Hot Cheese", about the war of 1812
where all the characters were named Colin and the last 17 pages were just copied from the phone book.

Ir'n Sheep - A wrestler/antique appraiser played by Brent Eifert. He apprasied antique chairs and then beat people with them. Brent attended Glam Slam as I'rn Sheep, accompanied by Mike "Soup" Campbell (SEE ALSO 'SOUP') as his sidekick "Steel Wool."

JLA (Justice League of Alfred) - The Silver Saxon, Hillel, Greek Lantern and Pledge Boy. Defenders of Truth, Justice and the Alfredian way. Appeared in several sketches, fighting the powerful Dark Lansdown and Evil Art Bitch.

King Alfred - The statue of good King Alfred that stands on AU campus. The Pirates have been accused (and rightly so) of dressing him up as a cowboy, a superhero, covering him entirely in tinfoil, and putting a pumpkin on his head. If you overhear Pirates talking about "doing King Alfred tonight," do not be alarmed. No permanent harm ever befell the statue after Pirates have decorated him.

Lesbians - (In the context of Pirate Theater) From a skit called "Stock Market" written by Ethan Kaye, about a boy and his dad talking about investing in the market. For no apparent reason, the dad says "Here son, look at these lesbians." Two "lesbians", played by Liz Reina and Angie Young walk out and make out onstage. Twice.

Malaria Joe - Nickname given to Pirate Justin Sabia, upon his recovery from a bout of malaria he contracted while in India. No, seriously. It was announced at the dress rehearsal for one of the shows in which he had several parts. Needless to say, he didn't perform.

"Me Rikey" - If you don't know what this means already, you don't need to.

Mr, T - Pirate Theater's unofficial mascot. He was originally used in early Pirate Theater fliers, along with Josie and the Pussycats and the Fonz. He has appeared in one skit-'Mr. T's Prank Phone Call', in which a skinny white kid (Josh Arzt) impersonates Mr. T while making a prank call.

Nadass - An evil knight (Sir Nadass). Comes from a character in Bluto's D&D game that is supposed to be pronounced "Nad-ahs." Sure it is...
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"Oh Yeah!" - Quoted from Jim Theriault in the video "Manly Syrup", featuring Jim (typecast) as a manly lumberjack fighting to get some 'real syrup'. Usually said in a Jim-esque tone of voice.

Oing - The Pirate production company. Manufacturers of fine products such as Shards of Glass Soap, Bacon Burst gum and Manly Syrup.

Peeps - Maniacal marshmallow madness. Nemesis of Pirate Micah Galland in 'Attack of the Killer Peeps', and 'Return of the Killer Peeps'. People used to throw peeps up onto the stage during early Pirate Theater shows.

Pimps - Honey Mutha Dijon (Josh Walczak), Sweet Jimmy Dolemite (Micah Galland) and Macio in da Gak (Brian Pinto). Starred in the "Pimp Olympics" sketch. They reappeared (minus Sweet Jimmy Dolemite) in "the Ho's Wedding" where they crash a wedding to turn the bride back to a life of prostitution. They also were Kyle and Cory's Glam Slam costumes.

Provost Ott Tater tots - Menu item from the sketch 'Cannibal Café', a spoof of Student Activities' real event 'Cultural Café'. Named for then AU Provost L. Richard Ott. This later became the temporary motto of Pirate Theater, appearing as the header in e-mail sent out by Captain Dan.

Quato - Mutant creature from the movie "Total Recall" that grows out of a man's stomach. Used in the skit "Bringer of Bad News", where a doctor informs his patient he has a bad case of 'Quato'. The end of the skit resulted in the classic line: "Dead, dead, dead, Quato," said by another doctor as he left for a golf game. Picture of Quato

Sausage - A crappy no-name band who played at an FNL show. For a while afterward people would heckle FNL and Pirate Theater by shouting "SAUUUUSAGE!". Oddly enough, alumni seem to remember this more than most Pirate skits.

Soup (AKA Mike Campbell) - A friend to many Pirates who assisted in the production of videos. He is commonly recognized in the end credits using a picture of his disembodied head.

Scurvy Pete - A gigantic paper maché pirate head created by Matt "Bluto" Sturgis and Brian Pinto. It was worn at the AU block party and during homecoming and Hot Dog Day parades. Wearing Pete often meant getting gouged in the forehead by stray wires inside. He was eventually retired when he was too ragged to be worn (Actually, Captain Kyle's mom threw him in the garbage).

Senor Faggy - Nickname given to Colin Grubel. Originally from a line cut from the sketch "Brothering", where each fraternity pledge was given a gay-sounding pledge name. One of the names was to be "Senor Faggy", but it never made it to the final performance.

Sliz - Liz Reina's nickname. Derived from the phrase "Hey, there's Liz!" which, when said quickly, sounds like "Hey there Sliz!"

Stay! - From Roger Corman's "The Undead." A woman is forced to decide if she is to stay in the past or return to the future and is being coerced by the entire cast, including a dopey-looking knight who shouts at her "STAY!"

Two Bitches Pimp Shit - An album by rap sensation "2 Short," who is apparently a really short pimp. Or something like that. They might be two separate songs, but they sound better as one. They were also worked into a song by Ethan Kaye, which was just those four words repeated over and over.

Ultimate Pilgrim - Masked wrestler played by Brian Pinto. Official spokesperson for Manly Syrup.

Victor Wu - A Pirate from the early days. He was like Face on the A-team; with a can-do spirit. He could get you anything (or at least claim to). Frequently returns to Alfred to visit. How old is he, anyway? 26? 35? 50? Who knows?

Voodoo Day - Pirate Theater equivalent of Christmas, celebrated on October 12. A Voodoo Day party wouldn't be complete without the Voodoo Day Road Cone (decorated with pennies), 'Throw My Ass' Ernie, and of course the Secret "Big Momma Shabooboo" gift exchange, where the stupider the gift is, the better (SEE ALSO 'DEAN').

XYZ

Please send corrections or additions to:

jbr1@alfred.edu

Special thanks to Ethan Kaye (Retired) for submitting many of the terms on this page.